Hold On To The Night, There Will Be No Shame

Gamers and non-gamers alike: Make it a priority to play Adult Swim Games' Robot Unicorn Attack. Unfortunately, it's quite difficult to describe exactly why I'm imposing this experience onto everyone, but after almost a whole semester of playing this game, I will try my best to capture the essence of this hit side-scroller.

It is astounding how much time you can dedicate to an admittedly simple game that only requires the use of two buttons (Z to jump and X to dash). You begin the game with three wishes (a fanciful word for "lives") and the object of the game is simply to rack up as many points as you can. Your unicorn will run to the right automatically, and your job is to jump from platform to platform and dash through glass stars as your speed gradually increases. If you hit an obstacle you explode and are presented with the decapitated head of your robot unicorn, crying a single, glistening tear drop.

Escapist Magazine's review of the game accurately describes it as "...pretty much the gayest thing ever" (this was, by the way, a good review). If you couldn't tell from the name or the title screenshot pictured above, you will be treated to a magical game filled with fairies, sparkles, rainbows, and the like. It's almost embarrassing how addictive this game is. Your remaining masculinity is basically only preserved by the explosion that results from your death, and some humorous quips that appear as a result.

Without a doubt, my favorite aspect of the game is its perfect soundtrack. Basically, the song "Always" by Erasure is being looped repeatedly, and this undoubtedly lame song somehow only gets funnier each time it loops. I honestly couldn't think of a better fit for a game such as this.

It's quite difficult to convince you to play this game by simply writing about it, but you will just need to trust me on this one, throw caution to the wind, and set some time in your schedule for the majesty that is Robot Unicorn Attack.