Resumes: This is why, this is why I'm hot.

Resumes. I hate them. I hate them with a passion. How am I supposed to explain what I do on a 1-page, bulleted and indented paper? You get basically 10 seconds to grab someone's attention, and explain, in the words of Mim's "this is why I'm hot"...so please hire me.
It gets frustrating. Everyone has a different opinion on style or choice of words. I mean, don’t HR people get tired of reading all the same “action” words, like “maintains”, “manages”, “creates”, etc. Personally, I think “action” words are more like “Shazam”, “Kaboom”, or “Pow,” although those might be slightly harder to slip into Professional Experience.

While looking for resume help I ran across some resume bloopers that I thought I’d share…
•Candidate included a letter from his mother.
•Candidate wrote résumé as a play - Act 1, Act 2, etc.
•Candidate included naked picture of himself.
•“1990 - 1997: Stewardess - Royal Air Force”
•Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”.
•A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
•Hobbies: “Having a good time”
•Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.
•Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”

See more at:
http://jobmob.co.il/blog/funniest-resume-mistakes/

And if you’re actually looking for resume help…this site has simple advice on sprucing up your resume.
http://www.lifeclever.com/give-your-resume-a-face-lift/